Controller Punch!

The "'26"

I need more time to game!

Seriously. I’ve no free time at all. I’m so strapped that I’m updating this from my day job. Secretly, I hope to get caught and fired for it. That would solve a couple of problems real quick.

My office is populated by the aged. I’m the youngest here by about 25 years, and I’m 30. No one here has ever played video games. Walking off to lunch with a DS in my hand is met with an almost child like wonder from my co-workers, feigning interest in my shiny little box.

“What’s that?” my secretary asks.

“It’s another wedge to widen the gap between us”.

When I was a kid, my dad jumped on the Atari 2600 ship and brought me along. Sure, I may not have enjoyed Donkey Kong too much, but I loved Chop Lifter, Space Invaders and Missle Command. Even Yar’s Revenge was fun. I was 5. Half of my day was kindergarten. The other half was Sesame Street, peanut butter sandwiches and Atari.

It was 3 years later when my dear old granddad gifted me with an NES.

It was also around this time that I learned about frustration. Dino Rikki? Fuck that guy, he couldn’t jump worth a fuck.

The NES was the centre of entertainment at my house for longer than the SNES years later. And of course being a bit older, and having friends with both consoles I entered into the world of trading/borrowing.

“Yo man can I borrow Castlevania?”
“Naw man, my dad will kill me if I lost it.”
“I won’t lose it, it’s just gonna sit in my console for about 4 minutes, then get lost behind a dresser or pissed on by a vagrant and you’ll not see it for about 7 months, conveniently right before we break for summer holidays so I can avoid the beating you want to give me for two months, and all of your anger that you have from the sustained beatings and verbal abuse hurled your way because you lost a $60 cartridge will be alleviated by my completely falsified rendition of how I beat the game.”
“Ok, but give me Mega Man”.

Now that I’m an “adult”, I work a lot, and I’ve also learned the fine art of socializing. I have to enjoy games vicariously through friends like DJ FOB FRESH over at SEGASHIRO, or watch the mysterious “THE_DISSECTOR” amass a body count that would make Stalin smile.

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